Keeping to a routine when eating alone

D goes away for work tomorrow until Sunday. Normally I eat like crap while he's away. There's chips and dip and chocolate biscuits followed by toasted sandwiches laden with cheese.  Not because I'm pining for him (although I do miss him) but because I seem to lose sense of routine and do the calories really count if there's no one to see you eat them?

I am determined that I won't fall into this pattern this time.  I'm keeping busy on Thursday night and have a friend coming for dinner on Saturday with the invite specifying that the meal will be something healthy. That way I won't be tempted to just get Chinese takeout from around the corner. I can make it through Friday on my own...must ask D to hide the chocolate pretzels.

Avoiding fake conversation with skinny friends

So far I've only told one person aside from my partner that I'm counting calories. Not because I'm afraid that I'll fail and look stupid - I will not fail.  No, I think it's because I don't have the energy to engage in fake conversations with skinny friends about what I should and shouldn't eat. 

My approach this time is simply about eating a sensible amount of fuel as opposed to limiting fat grams or points. I have friends following Weight Watchers that are restricted to the equivalent of about 600 calories less than myself each day. Sure, they may lose more than me to start with but I bet they're hungry more than I am. I am a foodie. I can't and don't want to change that. I just need to focus my obsession on better foods and stop being a lazy eater.

Week 1 weigh in

A whole 1.1 kg off. It's been an awfully long time since I've seen 96 point anything flash up on that little screen.

I know first week is usually a biggie due to fluid loss etc but I've also done almost no exercise so bonus for me!

7 days down...but not hungry?

It's Wednesday night and I've got my first weigh in tomorrow morning. I could pretend that I haven't been stepping on the scales every other day but that would be a big fat lie. I know it's counter-productive and I know my weight swings between morning and night but still curiosity gets the better of me.

Calorie wise I'm doing well but am a little concerned that I'm not constantly hungry. I certainly was when I was on Weight Watchers. And Jenny Craig. And every other diet I've ever been on for that matter. Of course hunger wasn't an issue when I was on the diet pills back in 2001 - that was awesome! But the weight piled on as soon as each diet ended.

I'm determined that this time I'm not on a diet - it's the same ole story about changing habits and being healthier so I'm following the 'less is more' philosophy. A small loss each week quates to a higher chance of maintaining it. Well that's the plan. Let's see what the scales say in the morning.

The potholes of shearing food

D and I met online and part of his profile outlined his desire to find someone to 'shear his life with'. This quickly became an ongoing joke and D now goes out of his way to use the word share (or more precisely ‘shear’) to which I respectfully ‘baaa’ in response.

So this morning I made pikelets for breakfast which we shared (baaaa) across the kitchen counter. I love it when he keeps me company in the kitchen, even if he’s not helping. However this morning highlighted yet again one of those un sign-posted pot holes on the road to weight loss. Fairness.

D and I are 30 somethings with plenty of baggage and we both make an effort to contribute to our relationship equally. Whether that be emotionally or by helping out with the laundry. It's only fair. But what about food? You get half, I get half. Right? Not now Papa Smurf. D works his butt off for a living - I warm a chair all day. Fairness simply won't work. Even saving my other quarter for lunch the next day would be too much sometimes. So this is one area where sharing (baaa) equally isn't expected - go ahead D, take another pikelet. 

When a loving partner yells at you

I am the luckiest woman on earth. I have an awesome partner (we'll call him D) who not only thinks I'm gorgeous and smart but also tells me so on a regular basis. It took me a long time to be able to accept these compliments without throwing back a sarcastic response but I think I've mastered it now.

D hates it when I talk about being fat or obese. He simply doesn't see it. Perhaps he sees it as destructive self loathing. For me it is simply verbally reminding myself that my body is not at optimum efficiency.  Much like a badly tuned car engine, which you’d think D would totally understand.

So this week I've tried to educate him on the health implications - this isn't merely about fitting 'normal' clothes (ooo...maybe tomorrows post!). 

Don’t get me wrong – if I ask D to be my gatekeeper he will gladly eat all the chips and dip – but he’ll still yell “you’re not fat” when I fall into the depths of despair after not exercising. Maybe we could change that line to “you’re still gorgeous” so it doesn't come across as being so unsupportive?

What's with the pretzels?

Why am I doing this? It's those damn chocolate covered pretzels.  Specifically FLIPZ which (thank god) we can't get here in New Zealand. 

But I could get them when living in London 10 years ago.  From a beautiful vending machine on level 8 of the concrete tower I worked in for 14 hours a day.  Of course, back then I was a highly paid contractor with a 20-something's metabolism.  

The affair didn't last long but the memory remained. Subsequent trips back to the UK and then to the US have enabled the flirtation to continue.  Our last trip saw me eating FLIPZ for breakfast on multiple days. And the huge tub I brought home taunts me from the top of the pantry on a daily basis. So hard to say no. But I don't want the affair to end this time. And I certainly don't need the calories.